When we think of filmmaking, we picture directors like Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, or James Cameron and imagine blockbuster movies with million dollar budgets. The reality is that all the big names in Hollywood started somewhere, and it’s an eye-opening experience learning about their journey, especially when they’re on mission to change lives through film.
Kindred Image is an LA-based production company already making a splash in the industry with their documentary The Drop Box, a documentary about a South Korean man who created a drop off place for abandoned babies to get a second chance at life.
These men are living Urbane + Gallant lives, and we had the opportunity to sit down with them to discuss film and masculinity.
Here’s the interview:
Film
What do you love most about filmmaking?
Bryce: Film is really the most comprehensive form of media, and I love it because it has the unique authority to tell stories and shape ideas, which will hopefully change culture and people’s hearts. This is our vision and heart for filmmaking in general. Having this in mind and being uniquely gifted in these areas makes filmmaking that much more exciting.
Brian: The reason why I love making movies is that it keeps me awake. What that means is that when I make films—whether it’s in pre- or post-production, rain or shine, day or night—I don’t have to rest. It’s what I’m made to do. It keeps me wide awake.
Will: I’m similar to Bryce. What I love about film is that it’s more than a lecture, an article, or news coverage. Film has a way of getting to your heart. It allows you to drop your walls and get lost in an experience. Within that experience, I love how we’re able to tell a story and share a worldview that can be thought about in a way that can’t be done through an article or another medium.
Were you Arbella Studios before Kindred Image?
Bryce: Arbella Studios still exists. Arbella Studios is the production company, which was formed once we did The Drop Box. We ultimately want to make positive impact through film, which was a huge call on all of our hearts. The Drop Box is its own thing. Kindred Image is a non-profit that owns the film and uses it to promote its programs and support Lee. It’s the same guys doing both. Anything film related is Arbella Studios and anything that is related to The Drop Box and Lee is Kindred Image.
The men behind Kindred Image: Will Tober (L), Bryce Komae (M), and Brian Ivie (R)
What brought this team together?
Will: In high school we made some really crappy films, and I first got involved with Brian when he asked me to act in one of the films, which was a horrible idea. (laughs) But for some reason he continued to invite me along with other projects while rooming together at USC. We worked on and off through college, and then he invited me to go to Korea for The Drop Box. At the time, I was a journalism major and my plan was to become a sports broadcaster for ESPN. When I went to Korea and saw Lee and the kids, which opened my eyes to the power of film, I wanted my life to be used to make that kind of impact as opposed to being a sports broadcaster. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I felt called to make impact in some sort of way. At the time, I didn’t know what it would look like, but when Brian pitched that idea, it sounded like this was my opportunity to make impact. I was on board.
Bryce: I think for all of us it was interesting that children got abandoned in South Korea. It was a practical social call, and we all had that heart. We originally wanted to do a 10-minute short and raise a couple thousand dollars. Because of this, we formed Arbella Studios and Kindred Image.
How did the idea for The Drop Box come about?
Brian: That’s the million dollar question. (laughs) It all started with the Los Angeles Times. Here’s the abridged version.
I saw an article in the LA Times on June 20, 2011 about a man in South Korea who built a mailbox for abandoned babies—a man who built into the wall of his laundry room a hatch of some kind or a drop off place for babies, particularly with disabilities or deformities. These were the most unwanted and disposable kids in Korea who were left in this box. At that time, it wasn’t like kids were dropped off everyday—it was around one per month. Lee started the box in 2009. In the summer of 2011, I felt conviction to do something about it, which is really strange because I’m not Korean-American. I’m Japanese. On top of that, I was in school and it was summer time, so I didn’t really want to do too much.
But regardless, I decided to reach out to the Times, kind of on a whim, to see if they would give me his information to see if I can talk to him about making a film on his life. The LA Times gave me his information, and I sent him a bunch of emails but didn’t hear back for a long time. On a random day in August I got an email back from Lee himself, written in Korean. Through Google translate, we pieced the message together which basically said, “Dear Brian, this is Lee. I don’t know what it means to make a documentary film, but you can come live with me if you want.” So that was the invitation.
Right around this time, I happened to be talking to Will and Bryce standing in McCarthy Quad at USC talking about film. I told them I was thinking about going to Korea to make a film about Lee and the box. I don’t even remember the whole conversation. (laughs) They said it didn’t make any sense but that they wanted to go, too. So we started a Kickstarter campaign to raise $5,000, but right before, I called Will and asked him how much we should post. He said $10,000, so I posted $20,000 sort of as a joke, hoping we could raise more. And we did.
Pocket square: The Wilberforce – Black (Urbane + Gallant)
A few days after, we got a call that someone wants to match that money. So we have $40,000. A couple days later, we get another phone call with another $25,000 to make our movie. Then a girl named Sarah from USC came on as a producer for The Drop Box. She told me that her mom is a close friend of Laura, whose husband is the president of Oakley, and that we should talk to her about this whole thing. When we did, she said she also read the article in the newspaper and that she wanted to buy our plane tickets. I told her we already bought the plane tickets, so she asked if there was anything else she could do. I knew Oakley founded RED, so I asked if she could buy us a RED camera. She said yes, and I walked out the next day with $50,000 worth of cameras and equipment.
After all this, we had $65,000 to make a five to ten minute short film about the man who built the mailbox for abandoned babies. We flew 11 people to Seoul, South Korea on December 15, 2011 to spend two weeks with the family and make the documentary. We lived in an apartment near the place.
What I learned from living with Lee in Korea for two weeks was the transformative power of a father’s love. Lee would go down to his box and take in babies with disabilities and deformities, and all I could see when watching these videos was myself because that’s who I was: a deformed kid. I had a pornography addiction and an unhealthy relationship with my girlfriend where I would yell and scream, but what changed me was witnessing a father’s love.
So with Kindred Image and Arbella Studios, all we want to share with people is:
“Look, we’ve all messed up. Who you are inside is who you are. Even if you’ve never overdosed on cocaine, we’ve all messed up in some way. But even when we don’t want anything to do with ourselves because of the things we’ve done, there’s still a love that wants and accepts you.”
I can testify to this about my own life.
Why do you think lives are being thrown away, especially in the way it happens in South Korea?
Brian: First, I think it’s important to understand that a box for unwanted babies is quite misleading because rarely does a mom want to throw away a child. Yes, there are situations when a mom is unstable, unsupported, and suicidal, but often times, a baby is unwanted because of the circumstances around the baby. For example, the situation is that the baby is an unwanted pregnancy and the family is ashamed of that. The culture of shame is a big factor because the mom has nowhere to turn, and Korea doesn’t have the same crisis facilities for mothers to get an understanding of what pregnancy looks like, what motherhood means, and the support they can receive through a pregnancy.
So, as far as lives being thrown away, the box isn’t a depository for unwanted babies. Yes, there are occasions when babies are left on the streets, but the box serves as a last resort for moms who want to care for their children. With the circumstances some of these women are in, this is the most loving thing they can do.
Why are lives being thrown away? There are cultural reasons and practical reasons. The number one reason is the culture of shame. To expand on that: it’s not just families, but it’s also the churches in Korea. Churches create a huge culture of shame, especially for women and teenagers in crisis. These are people the nation just doesn’t want to help. That needs to change, for sure. Being a single mom is nearly impossible because the support you get from the government is nearly nothing—$65 a month. Living on that alone is not enough, especially when single mothers are stigmatized in Korean society and have a difficult time finding work. So if single mothers in Korea aren’t getting any kind of support, or even day care, they’re pushed to abandon their babies.
Did you have any discussion on the masculinity side of this issue? How important is it that men stay with the moms?
Brian: I would say that is important. That is a part the film can’t address because there’s so much going on about the women and the kids. I would have to agree wholeheartedly, though. At the same time, take all of this with a grain of salt because we aren’t Korean and don’t have the authority to talk about these things. We have very little experience in the culture.
But from what I’ve seen, the moms are just as abandoned. It’s so easy to love the kids, but it’s also easy to forget about the moms. The reality is that they are the first ones abandoned, otherwise they wouldn’t be giving away their children. This tells me there’s something going on with the men, the start of the domino effect. Something’s got to change. Men need to be called up, with some sort of expectation for them to stay. We’ve heard it so many times that if the guy stays and says, “I love you, and I will do this with you”, it’s going to be a totally different situation, even if the whole world is caving in around them. On a side note, while with Lee, we heard a cool story about a dad who came back and took the child home.
Pocket square: The Wilberforce – Red (Urbane + Gallant)
Masculinity
How does the film industry define being a man?
Will: It’s the stuff that you see all the time in movies or in TV shows: the player with no responsibility, the man who’s got to be tough all the time, or the man who is all about “me”.
Bryce: I would agree with what Will said, but I would also add there’s this idea of masculinity where the man has to absolutely earn everything he has and make that his foundation and his identity. This can be financial success or success with women. Men are pretty much told to do what you can do for yourself and for your own pleasure.
Brian: I would say we’re told: a man follows his primal desires. That’s for sure what you see all the time in movies: “A man does what he feels because this is just what a man does. I was going to show restraint, but I’m a man.” This idea is really pervasive but obviously a total lie, and I’d be happy to say that to anyone in Hollywood. It’s all false. They never talk about the inner man. A man is a person of integrity and character. Strength isn’t defined that way in Hollywood.
How do you guys define being a man?
Bryce: At the heart, it’s understanding that everything you have or acquired is not your own. It’s amazing that so many men claim talent as their own, a natural talent that you can’t take credit for. It’s amazing certain men take credit for that and use that to inflate their ego. Men need to recognize that everything is a gift and whatever we have should be used for others.
Another thing is taking responsibility, since none of us are nowhere close to perfect. Being a man really comes down to being able to own up to the different decisions you make—good or bad. If you are not going to take responsibility for that, then, yeah, you don’t understand what it means to be a man. I personally don’t do that enough.
Brian: A real man is under authority. A real man submits to authority. A real man can lay out for a woman he’s with or a daughter in ways that are not pitiful, which is a fine line. That takes a lot of strength. You still want a man to walk in authority, but you don’t want to be a man who is tossed. A man is sturdy, and a man is able to offer strength.
A man can only genuinely pour out himself for others if he finds his identity in unconditional love. A lot of times I find my identity and worth in other people. At times when I’m having a problem, I’ll look to my girlfriend as an escape, but that’s not her place and not her purpose. When I set her free from that, I’m able to love her in more freedom and more valiantly. That might be related to romance but that’s still important to know, too.
How much of a role did community such as friends, supporters, and mentors have in shaping you as men?
Will: I think a lot of us have been blessed to have different layers of that in our lives. We all have great fathers who have done a fantastic job of showing us authentic masculinity. We’ve also been lucky enough to have men our own age we can talk to about our struggles. For me personally, I’ve had these guys’ dads to look up to as role models, other men who are older and married. I just got engaged, so I also look to my fiancée’s dad. I look up to him as someone who models what it looks like to be a man practically.
Bryce: I think it’s absolutely essential. I haven’t seen as consistent of a display of selfless love and what it means to be a man to a family, wife and kids than from my father. Without having my dad in my life, I would be pretty clueless. Luckily, I’ve also had mentors from afar. I’ve been blessed to live with guys my age and in similar stages of life who are asking questions about masculinity and talking about these things while being led by genuine men. So, having a father on one side and having men being in the same stage of life on the other and being honest and willing to talk about these things is absolutely essential. I’ve benefited from this a lot.
Also, when we were at USC, we had guys who were two or three years older who would meet with us regularly, share wisdom, and talk to us about our problems. I think that’s such a cool thing to have. That’s one thing I wished I did more of, meeting younger guys and saying, “Look, I don’t know more than you, but these are things I’ve learned that could potentially help.” I know I’ve benefited from that.
Brian: My dad and I are getting closer, as I’ve learned to be a man and honor him. As a result, community has been really crucial because I grew up inconsiderate and dishonoring of a lot of people in my life, especially my parents. I’m still unlearning a lot of things and learning how to talk to people. Beyond social things, I’m also learning how to live with people and making sure I take care of my dishes. I didn’t grow up that way, and it’s helped to learn about what it looks like to be a servant, since I’ve always been served. Really, being in community has humbled me. I’ve learned a lot just being with these guys.
Making positive impact through film is a battle. Obviously, if you’re going to take a hill, you’re not going to do it alone, you’re going to do it with other guys. For example, I tend to think, “I can do it myself because I know a lot about the process as I can shoot it and edit it.” Actually doing that and making impact with film by myself would never happen. You battle with a battalion, and that’s what we’re doing with Kindred and Arbella—we’re trying to take a hill together.
If you could give a word of encouragement to the men, what would you say?
Will: I would say be different. Don’t be afraid to break the mold of what high school tells you to be or what college tells you to be. Do what you know is right.
Bryce: From my experience, figuring out what you believe, being able to explain why, and sticking to that is important as a man. I’ve seen this lack of integrity and solidarity in my life and in a lot of other guys. There’s going to be laziness in foundational things you believe, why you believe it, and who you are. Obviously these foundations may change shape as you get older, based on how you view the world and the relationships you have, but it’s important for a man to figure this out.
Even with practical things in life, just take those things seriously. Don’t pick up video games because there’s so much time to be used investing in greater things. I recognize in my past that I’ve spent so much time doing nothing when there’s so much value in reading a book or pursuing answers to questions you have and taking it seriously. I think that’s something that I wish I was told when I was a little younger.
Brian: Instead of making out, go dancing. It’s important.
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